i love accidental penises.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
