Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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