cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
