You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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