HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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