What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the day after is always just damage control
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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