dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
