thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
