Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Randomize
