Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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