I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
