Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
