Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
