There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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