she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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