You can't special order awesome
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
