BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
