New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize