Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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