im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
