I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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