Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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