I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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