i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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