There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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