oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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