i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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