no, he came in my armpit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
