I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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