I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
