I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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