Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
