yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
