Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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