i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
