I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
