I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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