thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
