Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
