I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
