Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
