Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
