I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
