you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
