Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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