id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
