Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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