the condom got lost in my hair
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
