This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
