Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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