just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
