So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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