when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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