There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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