He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
