I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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