They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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