i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
