That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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