At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
