Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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