I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize