Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
