And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
