ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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