My friends, they love my intelligence
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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