She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
