my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
