just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
