Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
