i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
