Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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